The Guru Phase is Over

Serenity is a grift

February 2003. I’m staying on Mandrem beach in Goa and I see a flyer stapled to a telegraph pole. It reads:

The Healing Power of Merciless Self-Inquiry

I feel like I’ve been hit over the head. What the fuck is that about? And so began my ten-year affair with Satsang, Advaita and Non-Duality.

A few weeks later, some days into my first 7-day retreat, I can subtly see my future laid out. One day, I will be the person on the cushion at the front, apparently radiating serenity. I will be the one charging a grand or two for the honour of “sitting” with me.

Some two decades later, after witnessing multiple guru-shagging-his-disciples dramas unfold left, right and centre, I feel confident to assert one thing…

The quest for serenity is pure ego and pure bullshit. If you want serenity, if you want the suffering to end, do not get into therapy, meditation or Satsang. That is absolutely the wrong reason to get into these pursuits. People who get into this stuff because they want peace have no chance.

I feel it’s important to point this out because the whole way that guru-driven self-development has manifested is problematic. We are apes, basically. Meaning we love status so much that we will never admit that we are just lowly apes. If we see someone sitting so humbly on their chair talking about peace and non-duality, this will inevitably set up an expectation in our primate brain that this is how we should be, if we just work on ourselves hard enough. And that is pure bullshit.

There is actually nothing that you can do to “surrender to oneness.” It’s a physical impossibility, no matter how hard you try. There is nothing that you can do to create inner peace within your being. Because the very act of trying actively blocks it.

All you can do is investigate who you are. All you can do is work with the blocks. All you can do is to keep going.

But what about those guys who are enlightened?

Mostly, they had an awakening experience and just jumped on the great guru grift. You can make some money and hump some disciples. It’s what the people they looked up to were doing. They simply followed the path their primate brain told them they should, what it learned. It’s better than nine-to-five, let’s face it.

If you feel disheartened by these words, like I’m taking away your chance of serenity, then I think it is good to look. Are you actually interested in finding out who you are? Or do you just want peace? If you want peace, that is a problem. If you want serenity, sex or money from spirituality then that is a problem.

The core has to be a desire for self-knowledge. Serenity is just a grift.