In my experience as a therapist, people who just really struggle to either make progress or feel they are making progress usually have a significant level of the "Endurer" type that needs addressing. Their nervous system, through no fault of their own, got wired into associating anger or self-expression with mortal danger around the age of 2 and is still pushing down hard on their expression. This creates compensating aspects in the psyche where they often get caught up in payback-seeking behaviours or holding themselves hostage in the developmental process. It absolutely can be treated but they usually need to go deep into the Endurer type to first really see it operating in real time. This has been my experience thus far and I'm writing generally not about you personally.
I'd say the first step is to really read anything you can about this character type and investigate your own psyche for traces. Classic symptoms include:
* fantasising about payback against those perceived as oppressors rather than speaking about issues.
* holding oneself hostage in the therapeutic process, as a form of protest to those perceived as having crushed one as a child
* trying to drag perceived authority figures into their own black hole. Some will actually try to prove to therapists that their therapy doesn't work, by not progressing, such is the dysfunctional nature of the relationship to authority created by their NS.
All of this stuff comes in reaction to their nervous system not allowing them to express, which started aged 2. Once you can see it going on, elect to stop all such behaviours. And at the same time, begin to try to get the nervous system defence to calm down and allow the emotions to come. It's actually not that it's the deepest condition that can afflict us. it's just that it's nature makes it hard for anyone else to treat it until the individual can absolutely see it and take responsibility.
In its most extreme form, the Endurer exists inside a black hole where they perceive no way out. The way out, feeling and expression, is being ongoingly blocked by a nervous system defense first evoked at age 2. But how this is perceived by the psyche is that authority is blocking them, because they were victim to their own nervous system's response to parental authority early on. All they feel they can do is either try to get payback or drag others into their own inner hole. It's a toughie but like I say actually not so deep. Just people get invested in it over time.
Flipping love your reply. You just described me to a tee
Many Thanks
So relatable! Thank you.
And what if neither work ?
In my experience as a therapist, people who just really struggle to either make progress or feel they are making progress usually have a significant level of the "Endurer" type that needs addressing. Their nervous system, through no fault of their own, got wired into associating anger or self-expression with mortal danger around the age of 2 and is still pushing down hard on their expression. This creates compensating aspects in the psyche where they often get caught up in payback-seeking behaviours or holding themselves hostage in the developmental process. It absolutely can be treated but they usually need to go deep into the Endurer type to first really see it operating in real time. This has been my experience thus far and I'm writing generally not about you personally.
How does this be addressed?
I'd say the first step is to really read anything you can about this character type and investigate your own psyche for traces. Classic symptoms include:
* fantasising about payback against those perceived as oppressors rather than speaking about issues.
* holding oneself hostage in the therapeutic process, as a form of protest to those perceived as having crushed one as a child
* trying to drag perceived authority figures into their own black hole. Some will actually try to prove to therapists that their therapy doesn't work, by not progressing, such is the dysfunctional nature of the relationship to authority created by their NS.
All of this stuff comes in reaction to their nervous system not allowing them to express, which started aged 2. Once you can see it going on, elect to stop all such behaviours. And at the same time, begin to try to get the nervous system defence to calm down and allow the emotions to come. It's actually not that it's the deepest condition that can afflict us. it's just that it's nature makes it hard for anyone else to treat it until the individual can absolutely see it and take responsibility.
In its most extreme form, the Endurer exists inside a black hole where they perceive no way out. The way out, feeling and expression, is being ongoingly blocked by a nervous system defense first evoked at age 2. But how this is perceived by the psyche is that authority is blocking them, because they were victim to their own nervous system's response to parental authority early on. All they feel they can do is either try to get payback or drag others into their own inner hole. It's a toughie but like I say actually not so deep. Just people get invested in it over time.
Amzing article! Very interesting