I was in the “Osho scene” deeply for some two decades and there are a lot of things I’m grateful for from this time. The friendships especially stand out for me. Osho, the Indian mystic who passed away in 1990, created a huge scene around him of brave-hearted individuals who wanted to look inside or to get more from life. Also, it must be said, of people who also wanted to have more sex! And I’m grateful for the people I met, many of whom I’m still close with.
But, aside from the friendships, I’m also grateful to Osho for the idea that at the core of our world exists nothingness. And that our sense of personal selfhood arises from this emptiness. Of course, this is hardly a new idea and most Buddhists, for example, will be totally familiar with it.
Each of us exists in a relationship to the emptiness that is at the core of our being. And, for many of us, that is not an easy relationship. Emptiness is by no means the ideal partner for our sense of personal selfhood!
At certain times of the day, usually around 4 pm, I often notice myself in some anxiety. It’s like I’m being pulled into a certain inner state and I’m in resistance. I experience a compulsion to do something to change how I am in that moment. I don’t want to be pulled into this inner state. This to me is the classic anxiety around emptiness that I suspect many of us experience.
I think for a long while I was not aware of this dynamic in my daily life. I would just find something to do, or maybe something to eat, at this time. It was a habit. Nowadays, when I’m mostly working mornings and free in the afternoons, I’m becoming more aware of it.
There is a way that we can work with this type of anxiety when we become aware that we have it - when we regularly notice a subtle desire not to be how we are at any moment.
We can surrender to it.
Now, talking about surrendering to an underlying state sounds like a proactive thing to do. I can imagine myself saying, “Okay, now I want to face the emptiness inside of me!” Like I’m taking on some kind of mythical beast. But surrender is not so proactive, I think. Just how do we let go into some inner state we are avoiding?
Body-based therapy has the answer.
I simply sit down and feel my body, nothing more. In a relaxed manner, I put as much of my attention as I can on the sense of my body, just deeply feeling it. I don’t “try” to feel the emptiness. I don’t use my mind in any way. I try to just rest in the sense of the body.
This is such a simple technique. But, over time, I have found that it has two benefits.
Firstly, as all sensations and human emotions are processed by simply feeling the body, and avoiding feeling the body is how we repress, it allows us to process whatever is going on inside of us.
Secondly, we send a message to our psyche that we are no longer afraid of our inner world. We are ready to process and be with whatever we are carrying around inside.
When I consider common mental health conditions like anxiety and depression, I think that in the final analysis, both are, at their core, a reaction to a sense of deep emptiness that each of us inevitably carries around. Our whole way of being, as Westerners, is to avoid feeling empty. We learn to fill our lives with experiences, food, friendships, possessions, whatever. And I don’t think, for the most part, this is necessarily problematic. But when we are trying to fill a hole that we actually need to feel, then we are in avoidance. And at some point, we will become addicted to that strategy, whatever it might be.
Yet, there is an issue with using the sense of the body to process our past and to come to accept and enjoy our inner sense of emptiness. Even with the best will in the world, it is not always easy to sufficiently feel our body to process the past. This is because, over time, our body fascia has either become armoured or has lost all natural toning.
This is where body-based therapy techniques like Bioenergetics or Reichian work come in. They progressively open up the body fascia such that we can have a deeper experience of the sense of our body. We begin to get such pleasure from simply feeling our body that we no longer need dopamine-creating mental behaviours.
This diminishing need to “do something” releases us from our fear of being empty or being alone. We can rest in a deeper sense of presence and accept ourselves whether we are actively being someone in that moment or not.
this is excellent -- I was just listening to a scientific talk on oxytocin , where the only thing I got out of it was that older men are extremely responsive to a dose of oxytocin, getting the most out of it , and young females are totally good when it comes to needing any supplementation of the hormone / chemical . So - the lecturer did not understand what it is that Oxytocin does , saying things like " Bonding " or "Emotional Processing " - however in the clinical trial of a nasal spray with ONE application they saw brain growth in some areas , after one dose of the hormone , in mature men . So , I had to think about that , and think about this lecture which I listened to first thing upon waking up as I stretched in bed . I have history with Osho also , my friend from France was deeply invested in the Osho story , wearing an orange jumpsuit and the beads , in which I recognized a bright spirit while casually walking down the street in the South of France , St Tropez . Leave it to me ! Anyway , we became good friends , but he wanted to marry me only to be allowed to travel to USA to go inhabit Osho Land . I thought that was strange , I could accept his devotion , but not his thought that I should be , via marriage , allow him a even more involved devotion . Enough said I moved on from that connection and kept the friendship , which did become life long . Fast forwards , my daughter marries a wonderful man , who grew up in a house in California that was previously belonging to the Osho Group . This made me laugh a lot , but also , as shakti is wont to do , the energy does permeate and have a sensation above and beyond actual structure and time . He , my daughter and their child , ( Who is actually me , my heart is in that little being , that is how I feel ) actually are living a very conscious and explorative experience . Like Osho without the Osho ! --- so , why am I writing all this - because my definition of oxytocin is not that it bonds one , but that it makes one forget the stress , and brings the person back to the state of "ONENESS " -- which to me , looks like that piece of art that you put on the post , a big dust ball of interconnection, without any seperateness . Oxytocin is released in the human body during childbirth , and also in lactation . Oxytocin is released in male and female orgasm , it is released when going to the bathroom , and it is released when eating a meal . What is going on inside of these bodily functions ? And in the mind , is oxytocin released in Bliss , Laughter , and Joy ? My personal understanding is that there are sphincters in the body system , all throughout , be it the anus , the cervix , the prostrate , the diaphram , the stomach ring - dont know that name , the MOUTH , and also the eyes - and those circles are normative in a state of closure , of shut tight . When oxytocin is released , it sends a signal to the system , but what is the signal saying ? It is saying - "Forget about it - just stop holding it in , just let it go ." This is why a bulemic , such as Diana of Wales , felt an addictive release caused by forcing her sphincter by over eating and then vomiting , to stimulate an oxytocin release , which traveled through her whole system , as it worked the stomach processes .
When the baby goes to nurse , the baby hurts the boob , the sensation is not a wonderful one , but once the childs mouth gets the oxytocin to run in the mothers system by stimulation , the oxytocin is released throughout the mother's system , the milk ducts stop holding the milk back , they "Forget " to hold tight , let go , and the milk flows . Now , the child has to catch that , as the baby's belly gets the food into it , it expands and eventually reaches a point of impact , the fullness plus the mouth bond circle , and swallowing action , oxytocin is stimulated and the baby reaches a state of ONENESS , and falls totally asleep happy and united with his mother . Mom had thought of doing some house work when baby sleeps , but decides to just sit and nap , because she and her child are both washed with "FORGET " and ONENESS .
So why is the woman's findings about older men really responding well to a single dose of oxytocin ? Well , when men are older , they usually are not AS sexually active , or not at all . They are not getting that natural dose of "Forget " - and also , what came to my mind , and this can be taken the wrong way , but I feel that in most cultures , men are sort of trained to be naturally defensive , where as a normal female who has had a child or four , who actually breast fed her children , like I have , ( NOT NORMAL IN TODAYS WORLD ) will have experienced , as I have literally 12 YEARS of breastfeeding , we are talking every four hours or more , an oxytocin drip -- with massive oxy surges during birth , and sex , plus , you have to eat a lot to keep up with the game , so there is a lot of tactile sensation that creates oxytocin release . Strangely enough , Diana's bulemia probably actually ensured her ability to carry and bear two children so well . I actually wonder if the morning sickness that some women experience is connected TO the body creating an adequate amount of oxytocin which would maintain the STATE of "Forget" or "Nothing " as you speak of in your article , which is the safest way to bring form and bring forth a child in a complex and hateful and dangerous world - which is what most people live in right now .
What triggered me to write all this ( I know it is long ) was your FEELING of fear as you faced the empty hole experience at four in the afternoon ( tea time ! ) -- what brought to mind , especially with the image of that black sun in the art work in your piece , was an eclipse of the sun that my father drove up to Nova Scotia with us to see . The farm animals became silent , wave lines of shadow and light flowed on the ground , and we looked into the sky with special ocular contraptions that my father had fabricated .
I stood , fascinated , entertained , and fearless , next to my father and brother , observing something that had been used through history to create domination and control by astronomer preists , war makers , and manipulative hooded sorcerers . ( Antikythera Mechanism ) -- so , now we are going to look at old men needing young women -- old men who can't find that circling energy spiraling into almost pain , and thus releasing the precious bliss drip -- once , at the home of a friend , Suzy was permanently attched to the Boob of Liz , and a relative was there who had been a heroin addict . He looked at the baby in her arms and said " That is what it felt like " - to be on heroin is the same as to be on oxytocin . Forgetting the stress , forgetting the details .
So , going forwards into this fear as the industrial society male , who has been seperated from all of this child care , and separated from the true feminine , a version of woman that is a real force of nature , not a helmet headed enforcer of an artificial society or the icing on a toxic cake . Men have not lived in a world where their impulses for intensity and for experiental release , was guided into a good direction .
I recently watched a talk on gun safety on C Span , it was a government council , and one man said " You can't just fire one round of that gun " meaning that the sensation of release , once the finger trigger sonic and effect had started , the oxytocin was triggered and the body had no more control to Hold the control story under control , instead , FORGET FORGET FORGET . and bang bang bang . I am NOT accusing males of being perpetrators of war , I am accusing the war machine of abusing the male psyche , and using the release of oxytocin purposefully to create an addiction to its pursuance .
Likewise , women can become addicted to having children , and to breast feeding them , as can both men and women become sex addicts , food addicts , and heroin addicts ! I am open to it all -- What is my point here ? My reason for this explanation is that men , in a world where they ARE used for sex , they are used as muscular bodies that can hold guns , and they are used by many capitalist endeavors , such as the stock market , to get hooked , via their oxytocin system ( Now , sports gambling is coming , add to that the lottery , and horse racing ) can totally destroy a mans life if he allows himself to "Forget" so I believe that in the world we have created , for a man to FORGET is dangerous - Thus , the FEAR factor at 4 PM , when facing that space of empty dark black velvet .
I am writing to say this : We all need oxytocin , we all need to forget , to release and relax . For a female , to breast feed on a park bench can be dangerous . Women get better results when they have a safe house life , where they can experience their forget in a place that holds the space safely for that forgetting . I suggest that as mature men approach their need to go into the EMPTY , that they create a safe PLACE to do that in . It does NOT have to be material , It can be a chant , a prayer of protection , or a vision that imbues a protective light into the experience . But yes , that experience is real , and it is really necessary to the human being , be they new born infants , or mature seekers .
The oxytocin picture that I envision in sacred geometry is the conch shell , a spiraling of concentric circles gradually getting larger and larger until suddenly , opening and outlet , where trust to meet reality is experienced via the wash of Oxytocin the body gifts that allows us to face the world we sit in without any emotional filter .
Laying in bed after making love , just floating -- this is a feeling we can bring into every experience , even when just sitting alone in a quiet room , listening to sounds coming in from the window .
This article is great. I had never realised that emptiness could have knocked at my door in certain times of the day. I'll start to be aware of it.
However, I would distinguish the sense of emptiness from the sense of lack.
The first is a very elevated, open and receptive state, which I would never want to leave. It is often reached as a consequence of presence practices (and the likes), and not easy to sustain. It directs my attention outwards, since it assumes the inside has been cleared.
Differently, the sense of lack generates discomfort, and the tendency is often to fill it. Personally, I often feel it in the middle of my chest, and I tend to escape from it through a variety of distractions. This is the one that, in my opinion, needs to be felt. And I guess is the one you're talking about.
How do you relate to this dichotomy "sense of emptiness" vs "sense of lack"?
P.s.: this short article on "How to integrate charged emotions" offers a perspective on how to FEEL what we tend to FILL ;) https://livmkk.substack.com/p/how-to-integrate-charged-emotions