Other Names
The Merging Pattern.
Safety Strategy
The fundamental safety strategy for the Oral Type is to look to others to source their own needs. The Oral type is fixated on connection and believes that, in order to survive, their connection to others is of absolutely vital importance. Orals are needy and struggle to hold safe boundaries with others.
Because of this extreme focus on the need to feel connected to others, Oral Types are frequently “pleasers.” They often don’t even consider who they themselves are as individuals. They are willing to simply be whoever they perceive the other as needing them to be, in order to maintain a connection.
Origin
The Oral Character experienced an inadequate physical or emotional bond with their mother in the first year of life. Our DNA configures us to expect that our connection with our mother will be strong for our first year outside the womb. When this expectation is not met, a sense of lack is stored in the body and the psyche. Oral characters thus have an “inner hole” inside. Though, frequently, they are only peripherally aware of this. However, in their behaviour, attempts to fill up this sense of a hole are constantly seen.
Oral Subtypes
There are two clear Oral subtypes, both of which are fairly common out in the world. One is the so-called “Compensating Oral” - someone who avoids feeling their own neediness by surrounding themselves with people who constantly need them.
The second type is the gaslighting Narcissist. Like the “compensating Oral,” this character is avoiding experiencing their deep, inner neediness. They do this by using psychological manipulation techniques to keep people they need close to them, without them having to be vulnerable or admit their neediness.
Positive Qualities
Although motivated by an unconscious need for connection, nevertheless Oral characters still contribute a great deal to relationships. They make caring and responsive friends and lovers. They tend to be heart-centred and keen to know where others are at. They love intimacy. In a society where many feel that deeper connections between people are not adequately fostered, Oral Types tend to become much valued for their willingness to seek out connection and intimacy wherever they can.
The Oral Type’s fixation on connection also can transcend mere connection with another human. The spiritual scene is generally very high in Oral Types - people trying to create a connection with God, oneness or spirit. A big chunk of the reason for some countries maintaining such a vibrant spiritual scene is likely due to their Oral Types.
Negative Attributes
Oral Characters have a deep, inner neediness created by the lack of expected connection with their mother in their first year of life. Their need for connection results in them negating their own real needs as individuals. They focus solely on adapting their own personality to fit in with others. Thus, tendencies toward “pleasing” are very strong within this Character Type. Similarly, emotions associated with confrontation – typically anger – are shunned.
Oral Characters find it almost impossible to stand up for themselves and hold safe boundaries. Putting up a boundary would diminish their capacity to get connection. So, invariably, they won’t even consider this, even in situations where they are obviously getting abused in some way.
The inability to hold boundaries also manifests on an energetic level, resulting in Oral Types struggling to “hold” their energy and often succumbing to depression.
Appearance
People very strongly in the Oral Type may manifest the “classic” aspects of appearance. But it is good to note that many people who are high Oral look nothing like this.
Neck craning forwards (as though seeking the nipple)
Flattened chest incapable of holding much feeling
Generally low energy
Legs spindly seeming and not energised.
Behaviour
Constantly trying to fill a sense of an inner hole - with drugs, snacky foods, smoking, shopping etc.
Inability to hold boundaries
Pleasing
Fear of confrontation or getting angry
Choice of clothing and their mannerisms may make it seem like they can’t look after themselves, possibly as a means to attract care.
Psychology
Type has its origin in the first year of life. Their genetic expectation for connection with the mother was not met.
Habitual fantasising about merging with another or finding the perfect “soulmate.”
An inner world dominated by a sense of emptiness.
Oral Types, deep inside, tend to believe that, no matter what happens, they are never going to get enough.
When needy, Orals often become fixated on getting their needs met from just one person, typically a partner, disregarding other possibilities for getting the need met. This is possibly because we can look only to our parents to get our needs met as infants.
Narcissistic traits of trying to fill an inner hole with attention from others are common.
Tendencies towards addictive behaviours.
A constant struggle to maintain healthy boundaries.
Tendencies towards depression and listlessness.
Treatment Directions
Strengthening their “energetic vessel,” such that they can hold more energy without dissipating it. This means lots of work at the belly area. Treating the Oral Type is all about the belly.
Accessing and actually feeling the neediness inside, as a physical sensation. In this manner, the inner hole can be processed.
Learning to not expect that all their needs will be met by just one person, usually a partner. But rather to look rationally at other ways or people who could fulfil the need.
Practising the expression of anger.
Belly-breathing workout to reduce the sense of an inner hole.
Strengthening the legs and improving grounding.
Exercises that work with self-assertion, like the Right-to-Exist.
Exercises that give them access to some of the infant bliss that they didn’t get. Sucking exercises are especially good. Rebirthing also can be good.
Learning to ask clearly for what they need.
Checking out what their actual positions on topics are, to make sure they are not pleasing.