The Hyper-sexualised Nice Guy

An interesting category of male is emerging onto the mano-sphere or therapy scene. Or perhaps he has always been there but less acknowledged. He is the “nice guy” who has a ton of sexual energy - energy that remains directed outwardly, primarily in fantasies.

With women, he acts the heartful friend and does his best to be the type of man he believes he should be. He wants to make up for the wounds that men have inflicted on women in the past. He tends to lean leftwards politically and feels proud of having the “right attitude” and of supporting the “right causes.” Yet he remains horny as hell and his energy is very centred on his genital area. It is hard for him to not constantly fantasize about sex.

What is going on here?

What I think is happening is that his sexual energy is actually trying to flow up his body, to enter his gut and his heart, and to give him a genuine mystical experience. But the “nice guy” persona that he has adopted is blocking this from happening.

The thing with energy is that it is trying to develop you. It is trying to take you on a journey. Its movement is not purely physical, or psychical, but deeply emotional too. If the self-image that you have cultivated blocks that development from taking place, then the energy just sits there in your genital region, driving you progressively more crazy.

I think that it is useful for anyone with a “nice guy” persona to consider this. If you are getting ever more sexually charged, then what if it’s because something mystical is trying to happen to you?

If this is the case, then the nice guy persona will need to be progressively dropped. The spontaneous, risk-taking, confrontational side will need to be progressively embraced. Bit by bit, the doormat, pleaser behaviours need to go and be replaced by a willingness to challenge your ideas of who you should be, a willingness to confront yourself and others.

The journey of spiritual development is deeply personal and does not follow any pre-set script. It is for you and it is you must undertake it. You must be willing to follow a course of trial and error, risking getting things hopelessly wrong, risking people having negative judgments about you, perhaps being condemned and frequently finding yourself on an emotional roller coaster.

This is all part of it and I doubt there is another way. All that sexual energy that you experience, that drives you crazy on a regular basis, actually longs to take you on a journey such that it can move up your body and give you mystical experience. Are you ready to go for it? Are you ready to challenge yourself?