a poem (2017)

The sun at noon; struck the glass; and i could no longer; see within

Reflected back; Soulless, distracted eyes recognising for an instant; themselves; this empty shell; thinking and doing; thinking and behaving; automatic

This modern world; is it an acknowledgement; of this emptiness? this neon; this plastic; no longer trying to make it look; good; no longer lying; a rare moment of candour? was it intended? can i believe it was intended? by some drunken god, given up; decamped; parting words?

Oh, that narrative; I dare not finish; those words; the power of association; to drive me into; some imagined emptiness; what will i do; to avoid completing the sentence?

These are our three ages; marking time - trying to fill - trying to distract - trying to accept - our avoidance; of a central anxiety; an emptiness

Have I been; torn; from an idyllic past; wrenched, as if; from a mother's womb; cast out; into a world corrupted; by some inimical force - the banks; the tories; the system?

Can i subscribe to this belief? - how much better it used to be; shall I recite this story to myself? shall I cling; to these fragmented narratives? like driftwood; after the ship sank ;or would I; be better off drowning?

And what is my intention here; hypocrites lecteurs?

To drag you into; a shared realisation? trying to fill; trying to distract; trying to accept; Would i feel less alone? less like the thoughts that no one wants

Would we come together; in joyous celebration; each admitting; heads shaking with tears; I too know it; would there be some succour?

Or should i offer; some salvation; some healing balm; (only 3c a packet); (only £300 a workshop); Should i say to you…; if only you had more money; if only you had better sex; if only you had better relationships; if only you had healed the issues; with your mother; if only; then…; then…; then… what? should i tell you; it would feel better; the emptiness gone

Can i aggrandise myself; offering…; a solution; like narcissus, would you worship me? he offered a solution; knowing all the while

Knowing all the while

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