Don't Focus on Tension. Focus on Emotions.

A practice to help create change

A few months back, I made a video about avoidance via spiritual beliefs.

Some people resonated with it and I realised that there can be quite some benefit in simply articulating the typical “avoidance strategies” that many of us are prone to.

Reading a simple depiction of what we are doing to avoid going deeper can provoke useful reactions.

Maybe we have an “Aha” moment… Wow, I’m totally doing that!

Maybe we feel deeply insecure and vulnerable for a while, as though we’ve been suddenly exposed.

So let’s take a look at another avoidance strategy, very common in the field of body-based therapy.

Talking about the tension in our body rather than talking about feelings.

As in, for example, “I’ve got this tension around my abdomen. What exercise can I do to get rid of it?”

I don’t want to be too judgemental here.

Not least because there are no “rules” in this type of therapy and we are all different.

And because, often, the first sign we receive that something is a bit off within us is the experience of tension. Maybe we have been maintaining the “I’m fine” position for a while, blissfully unaware. Or we may be simply unable to detect the underlying human emotions yet.

And because of course sometimes tension is purely physical. It has no emotional roots.

These three notwithstanding, there still most definitely is a class of person who wishes to keep the emotions hidden but who wants to get rid of their associated tensions in the body. They want a practice that can alleviate the tension but do not want to open up to their inner world. I have been like this - choosing functionality over self-awareness.

And maybe we find a practice, or a massage therapist, that can help for a while. They can get rid of the tension, at least for some days. But it comes back.

It comes back because the tension is there to bring to our awareness some repressed emotionality, not to simply be “dealt with.” The tension is like a needy child trying to get our awareness. It doesn’t just want to be soothed. It needs our full attention. It needs to be seen, heard and felt.

Having no clue as to what the tension inside of us is about is fine. We might do exercises, and introspect for ages, and get no insight. But the point is that we must try. We cannot maintain an attitude of being closed to our inner world, of simply seeking to “fix ourselves.”

That won’t work.

If you are struggling with your body-based therapy practice, do check in. Am I open to my inner world of emotions? Am I sharing with people my experience, trying to go deeper?

Here’s a great practice you can use to support this process.

Shortly after getting up, look at your face in the mirror and say out loud, “I want to feel.” Say it five times and be sincere. Feel your body as you say it. This will help.